Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sometimes the question IS the answer

I am often asked what kinds of questions bring people to a reading. Most folks are looking for insight into the lessons going on in their lives, a perspective outside their own immediate perceptions and, often, a double check on what their own intuition is telling them. A reading can give some validation to a person's own hunches. I believe it is not supposed to override or replace that.

There are certain questions that really answer themselves in the asking. When someone asks about a relationship "can I trust this person"? The question itself indicates the answer. It is not the same as asking "is this person trustworthy"? Whether a person is trustworthy or not is good to look at. Whether we can trust or not is our own stuff. Sometimes we aren't supposed to trust right away. Sometimes that's something that has to be built and if in that trust we are giving up our own sense of responsibility theres going to be problems.

Another question that answers itself is "is there hope"? If the question is being asked then it certainly seems there is, however remote that hope may be.

I should mention that this is a big part of why I don't allow questions to be asked verbally until the latter part of the reading. It's my job to pick up on uncertainties and issues without being told. This allows the querant (that's the fancy term for the person being read) to know if a reading is "on" or not. Part of what I try to address is the stuff that is under the ownership of the person being read. It is very tempting to want to use a reading to try and figure out what other people's motives might be. Classically I am often asked what someone else may be feeling. The old fortune teller question of "what does my boyfriend feel about me", or "why does my daughter in law not like me". Well often as not, the person with the boyfriend is going through their own ambivalence about the relationship. They might like the boyfriend but feel dissed when he puts work ahead of things or still has past issues with an old flame etc. The mother in law might have very little communication with the son's partner, so where does the crux of the problem lie? Maybe in whatever the son has issues with. We could get really lost in taking on other people's stuff. I do get some signals on these levels but the greater focus comes back to the querant.

Another way of looking at it is this analogy; when my old secondhand computer goes on the fritz, I could spend hours fiddling with it or (as I've learned the hard way). I can first pick up the phone and call my Internet service provider. If I get the message at the beginning of the call "attention customers we are experiencing technical difficulties" then I don't have to waste time fiddling. So often at the very start of a reading (usually before I even turn the cards over) I get a very strong sense of where the person is connected or where they may be in a distraction over someone else's stuff. If a relationship is giving them mixed feelings or giving them mixed signals I usually pick up on that pretty quickly. The mixed feelings are the querant's stuff, the mixed signals are external. This also where the tarot is a very helpful tool and where it works well alongside the intuition. People sometimes say "you don't really need the cards" , actually I do. The cards often give some objective insight about the cause and effect of things and it is often in the cards that we see, outcomes of what the intuition is picking up and also insight about things outside the client's realm of responsibility. Things we cannot be responsible for, but can be responsible to. We cant chang the weather but we can outfit ourselves appropriately to it.Part of what a reading (both the cards and the intuition) should do is shed a little light on these things.

We also aren't going to get answers about what is not our business and thank your lucky stars for that! Can you imagine how awful it would be to have to look out for the motives of others that don't want to look at them themselves? That's actually what many would consider the definition of a dysfunctional relationship and I see instances of it a lot and yes, as a professional know it all I have had to run into that brick wall quite a few times personally.

The old kindergarten rules always apply; it's not so much important what others think of us, but rather what (and how) we think of them. When  we work with our own stuff we get somewhere. We can share and work with others, that's a beautiful part of intimacy and co-operative, healthy relationships, but trying to work on someone else's stuff when they aren't interested is like drinking medicine to make someone else get well, You'll get a little green around the gills.